Do you have something that you’re constantly bringing back to Jesus’ feet, only to pick up again later?
Mine is fear.
Fear of the unknown, fear of death and loss, fear of ______. You name it; I’ve been fearful of it.
Throughout this pregnancy after loss, I’ve felt an immense peace and I’ve seen strongholds break that have been over me my entire life. I always go back to my favorite verse EVER.
“For God did not give you a spirit of fear or timidity, but of power, love, and sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7)
The Lord removing and delivering me from me fears isn’t always this one-and-done deal. Sometimes it’s a constant running back to Him every morning or even more often like every minute on the minute asking that God would help my unbelief or that He would promise to hold me in all the unknown.
With this pregnancy being high-risk, having a history of miscarriage and due to having placenta previa, the risk factors made me feel very tempted to fear the worst. My doctors obligation to walk me through all of the possible outcomes was worse than the Web MD downward spiral I would’ve inevitably researched. The words “preterm labor” and “hemorrhage” and “blood transfusions” have floated around in my head and I haven’t quite known where to reconcile these risks in my filing cabinet of fears.
I have this tension in my heart as I yearn to trust that the Lord will protect me and this baby girl, and the hope that even in my broken body, He will one day restore all things.
It has pointed me directly to His glory and how merciful He is that He would choose me to carry this little girl’s life for however long. It’s such grace that He is restoring life within me and he is drawing me to Him every minute.
Psalm 73:26 ESV
“My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
My flesh, my placenta, and my heart may fail. God is my strength. God is my portion. Forever.
Psalm 56:3 (ESV)
“When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.“
Notice how that verse didn’t say if you ever feel afraid… it says when, sister! My lil’ fear tendency is kind of a given. He knows what we need before we even ask. The Lord is so good. He is trustworthy.
We have a follow up appointment today to check placenta placement and see if it has moved.
We are praying and trusting and praying some more every step of the way. Would you join us?