Losing a baby to miscarriage is incredibly tough—it's a journey that deeply touches a parent's heart. Amidst the pain, finding meaningful ways to honor and remember your little one becomes so important for healing. Just remember, these are simply ideas and experiences that have helped me along my own journey; there's no one-size-fits-all approach.
Trust yourself and do what feels right for you as you navigate through healing and remembrance. Your journey through this grief is your own, and you get to navigate it in your own way, on your own time. Take it at your own pace, and remember you are not alone in your grief.
No matter the way you decide to honor and cherish your baby's memory, know that your love and remembrance hold profound significance and meaning.
1. Journaling: A Therapeutic Release
The journey began with the simple act of buying a new journal, a safe space to pour out emotions too difficult to express aloud. No pressure to overthink, just let it all out on the pages. Eventually, my personal journaling evolved into an online journal/blog on duetojoy.com, a platform here created to share the healing journey with others.
The simple act of writing has become a cathartic way of processing, remembering, and working through things that God is doing in my heart. I can look back in my journal and see how God has met me in the depth of my grief and carried me.
2. Naming the Baby: Finding Meaning in Avery
Choosing a name for our baby felt deeply personal to me. At first, I felt silly and a little ashamed to tell people I chose to name the baby that I lost to miscarriage. I didn’t need to justify this choice by any means. I just had this overwhelming feeling that this baby is so loved and deserves a name.
If naming your baby feels right, there are so many ways you can choose a name. I decided I wanted to name our baby Avery. I never knew the gender so this name felt right for me. You can choose any name, nickname or phrase that feels right to you in how you want to refer to your baby in heaven. I have known friends who did not feel comfortable naming their baby but still hold a very special place in their hearts. There is no wrong way to go about it. I have known friends who have named their baby after the size comparison fruit that they lost their baby at a certain week of pregnancy which I thought was just so so precious. (Ex: baby blueberry) Or meaningful symbols that remind them of their sweet baby, Examples: heaven baby, glory baby, little one, blueberry, lil peanut, Baby M, firefly, butterfly, rainbow, pumpkin, daisy, bunny, elephant, lion, etc.
3. Remembrance Tattoo: A Permanent Symbol
I knew I wanted a tattoo to honor my sweet Avery. Something meaningful and small. I got a heart on the side of my wrist that was inspired by what I’d doodle at the top of every journal entry. A permanent reminder of love. Some tattoo ideas can range from meaningful dates, their name/nickname, a symbol that reminds you of them, baby footprints, clouds, birth month flowers, etc.
4. Art as Therapy: Creating Beauty from Pain
Engaging in various art forms—watercolor, coloring books, bible journaling, hand lettering, marble pour painting, macrame, crocheting, and more—became a therapeutic outlet. Each piece I made served as a tangible expression of grief and a way to honor the memory of the baby I longed to hold. I walked the aisles of my local craft store and grabbed some inspiration from Pinterest. I’d frequent the thrift store to hunt for things I could paint or old hymnals I could watercolor on.
As I dove into each avenue of creativity, I found myself using my empty hands to create. I found a space to process without words. I’d blast good music, make a mess on my dining room table, and spend time with the Lord. Crafting became my favorite thing to do when the weight of grief felt too heavy.
5. Preserving Memories: A Bouquet of White Roses
A petite bouquet of white roses was gifted to me by a friend after my miscarriage. I searched for different methods of drying and preserving flowers. I carefully hung the bouquet upside down in a closet to dry them. These roses now stand in a vase on my mantle years later and serve as a symbol of enduring love and remembrance.
There are a few different methods you can use to dry your fresh flowers, some as simple as bundling them and hanging upside down in a dark, cool place, or a little more hands-on by using silica powder or pressing them in books.
6. Memory Box: Collecting Treasured Items
I wanted a physical space to hold onto all of the meaningful items I had collected to honor my baby’s life. I made a memory box where I saved cards from loved ones, bible verses a friend had shared with me, watercolor art I had made, small gifts, journals, embroidered handkerchief, little pages I had hand lettered Avery’s name, and written prayers.
The options are endless in what you can include in your memory box. Other ideas of what you can include: Ultrasound photos, hospital bracelet, paperwork, create a Certificate of Life, baby blanket, baby hat, etc.
7. Personalized Jewelry: The Engraved Necklace
One of my favorite gifts I’ve ever been given is a bar necklace engraved with the name "Avery'' from my sweet husband. I wore that necklace everyday for a couple of years until it broke. It was such a cherished piece of jewelry carrying our baby's name close to my heart. I felt naked without it. I later purchased some different pieces of jewelry with meaningful symbols or initials.
This doesn’t have to break the bank! There are some really sweet and cost effective options to making your own personalized jewelry and accessories. I also really enjoyed crafting bracelets, necklaces, and keychains with letter beads and finding a morse code alphabet to spell out my baby’s name.
8. Meaningful Gestures on Important Dates
Acknowledging significant dates like the anniversary of the loss or the would-be due date was an essential part of my ongoing healing journey. I often felt that the days leading up to these milestone dates felt heavier than the day itself. Allowing myself the grace and freedom to grieve in whatever way felt right was the only way to get through those hard days.
Personally, sometimes that looked like staying in bed a little longer, crying, getting outside, going for a walk, listening to a podcast or good music, journaling, writing a letter to my baby or writing out an honest prayer to God.
9. Tangible Comfort: Cozy Keepsakes
Having something tangible to hold for comfort can be so helpful. You can find a soft, cozy tactile item to snuggle on extra grief-heavy days. It can be anything like a baby blanket, a handkerchief, a small lovey, an embroidered pillow with the baby’s name or significant dates, or even a stuffed animal that matches the baby's birth weight.
10. Music for the Soul
Create a playlist of songs that are meaningful in your grief or songs that make you think of your sweet baby. Music has this incredible way of wrapping us in its arms and whispering words our hearts desperately need to hear. So, I've put together a playlist just for you as you grieve– for those moments when you need a gentle reminder that you're not alone, and that healing is possible, one note at a time. (check out my Spotify Grief Playlist)
Press play, listen softly or at full blast volume. Worship, cry out, scream-sing if you have to! Let these songs remind you of the truth and have it sung over you, again and again.
11. Cultivate Growth: No Green Thumb Needed
Practice the art of nurturing a low-maintenance houseplant. Heck, if that feels intimidating right now, buy yourself an artificial plant! Get your hands in the soil in your backyard. Rage-pick weeds in your yard. Plant some wildflower seeds. Plant seed-embedded paper heart. Plant a tree. Buy a bouquet. Learn different methods to dry and preserve fresh flowers. Get outside in nature. Tend a garden. Go for a walk and pick some wildflowers. Listen to the song, The Garden by Kari Jobe and check out the story behind the song below.
12. Candles: Aromatherapy
Take a stroll on your favorite candle aisle smelling different scents and see which one brings comfort. We made a candle inspired by our all-time favorite scent, citrus sunrise on Etsy.
Lighting a candle on meaningful dates can be so therapeutic. Coming together virtually for events like the International Wave of Light on October 15th can be so unifying and comforting. Each year on this day I look forward to lighting a candle in honor of my baby and all the babies in heaven and saying a prayer thanking God for their lives.
13. Carry a Reminder: A Token of Remembrance
Carrying a small token of remembrance, such as a pocket-sized item or something wearable, can serve as a tangible daily connection to your baby's memory. Check out this special and adorable Pocket Hug that you can carry with you in your pocket, purse, or wallet as a reminder that your baby will always be with you.
14. Name a Star: A Precious Tribute
Naming a star after the baby provides a tribute that honors their memory in the vastness of the night sky. There is something so peaceful about stargazing. It makes you feel so small, yet the God of all creation who put each of those stars in the sky cares deeply for you and for your baby. Get outside, look up at the night sky, and sit in awe of God’s creation.
Psalm 147:4 “He counts the stars and calls them all by name.”
15. Reading: Fill Your Bookshelf
Exploring books about grief, suffering, loss, and miscarriage can be so helpful. There is a time and place for these heavy topics and you know yourself best, so if you are not particularly ready to hear stories about other people's loss, that is perfectly normal and props to you for recognizing what is helpful and what is not!
I haven't always loved reading, but since my own miscarriage I have spent so many hours combing through bookstores and libraries to find a treasure trove of resources for grieving mothers.
Reading about others’ shared experiences helped make me feel less alone in what I was walking through. It helped me explore hard questions I was wrestling with and truly helped shape how I would learn to lean on the Lord as I endured suffering. I read other women's stories and felt so encouraged by their raw honesty. I would marvel at their strength and vulnerability and be so thankful that they wrote these books through their most painful circumstances. What a gift!
Check out some of my favorite books on loss.
Remember that there's no right or wrong way to honor a miscarriage. Choose the methods that resonate with you and provide the healing you need. Everyone's grief process is unique, so give yourself the space and time to grieve in your own way.
